The AP just announced that Donald Trump will be President of the United States. The man who has declared that America’s top priority will be walling ourselves off from our neighbors and who t…
My father, actor Richard Dreyfuss, is taking heat for attending a Ted Cruz rally. I shouldn’t have to write this, but he…
Trying to pick the best candidate in an election. This Psychology Today article explains how to approach voting so that you steer the election, rather than being manipulated by narcissists. It explains how the average citizen, through what they praise or reject, can influence the political course of the country. Here’s an example of what you’ll find in the article:
Politicians are groomed by us—by our applause, by our polls, by our votes. Whatever you seem to love or hate, they’ll embrace or reject. So be careful what you applaud or attack. It matters what they—and all the little future leaders watching them—think you want in a leader.
I used to dread New Year’s Eve for one four-letter word: kiss. If I was heading into the turn of the year without someone to share that iconic lip-touching moment, it could reduce me to tear-filled misery. The holiday could make me feel alone and sad and hopeless and pathetic.
This year, I shall share no New Year’s Eve Kiss, and I’m OK with that. I’m not looking for one. It could be nice to have someone to kiss at any random moment throughout the year, but I’m not going to give up the fun of this holiday or any other because I don’t have that. I have learned that my relationship status is a characteristic of my life, like the length of my hair or where I work or what vehicle I drive. Less so because I can influence each of those things. No one has complete control over whether they share romance with another person.
I know wonderful people who will not share a kiss with someone special on New Year’s Eve. Enjoyable, attractive, dear, worthy people who should not be characterized by whether they are in a relationship at the ticking of one year to the next. Fantastic individuals who are not a good match for me as a mate, and I am not a good match for them, though we are good matches as friends. I also know that people out there will press their lips to those of a person they sometimes loathe or wish they could work up the courage to leave. What looks like a romantic kiss can be a lie.
I have, overall, a pretty happy life. That’s not an accident. I’ve been working to make it the best it can be, affecting what I can affect. Like everyone, I have aspects I still hope to improve. I will always have aspects of my life to work on. That’s the work of living. I wish I could go back and tell my younger self that defining the quality of my life by one symbolic act is to discount the true stuff of happiness. But I probably would have been too caught up in the lies I was buying to really understand.
Will I have a New Year’s Eve kiss next year? I have no idea, and that’s not a problem. If I stay true to my own self, continue to work on living a quality life, I feel pretty confident I’m going to have a happy new year. I hope you do, too, whatever the status of your lips.
We’ve all felt lonely from time to time. But sometimes, things can get out of hand. Psychologist Guy Winch lays out some straightforward tips to deal with the pain of deep loneliness.
What are you kicking yourself for not being happy about? Are you miserable in your career and feeling stupid for picking that profession? Are you suffering in your relationship or are you convinced you’re not destined to be with anyone? Have you experienced a failure and are thinking that means you should give up? Maybe you should feel encouraged, instead.
Behavior writer James Clear argues that getting it wrong is not only not the end of the line, it is a necessary part of the process. Look back on past attempts, such as the first person you dated, and judge whether that particular success would have been appropriate for your life now.
Here’s a quote from his piece, then click on the link below to read the full article.
Choices that seem poor in hindsight are an indication of growth, not self-worth or intelligence.
One reason lack of success feels so difficult to accept is because society can equate failure with shame. You didn’t just make a mistake; you’re simply incompetent. The problem is with you, not your actions. No one wants to be a “failure” or a “loser,” those who simply can’t get anything right. At least, anything that counts.
Some people do fail over and over without reflecting on why things aren’t going right, without learning from their mistakes and making course corrections. These are not good examples to follow. However, if you’re learning from your mistakes and that translates to practical changes, you’re not in this category. Keep learning, keep reflecting, keep evaluating your needs, wants and goals. Really get to know yourself and your abilities, both your strengths and areas you could strengthen. This will help you to embrace the teaching power of failure.
Writer Anne Lamott recently posted on her Facebook page about how she hates Mother’s Day, something she wrote about that Salon published in 2010. Read the article on either site. She explains why she loves being a mother but taught her son that he isn’t under any obligation to honor her on this one day in May. Among her thoughts:
I hate the way the holiday makes all non-mothers, and the daughters of dead mothers, and the mothers of dead or severely damaged children, feel the deepest kind of grief and failure.
Her opinion has drawn a variety of sentiments that range from “thank you for saying this” to “stop being a killjoy.”
It’s an alternative perspective worth reading for those who are not mothers and who do (or did) not have good relationships or memories of their mothers. It’s also worth reading for those who celebrate motherhood because of another point she makes: Honor those who deliver the caring of a mother figure, but don’t depend on a holiday to do it.
Do you call up mom on, say Oct. 16, just to thank her for having sacrificed so much so that you could have a good life?
Do you give flowers to the woman who did not give birth to you/your child but who does provide love, guidance, time, and sacrifice?
Do you make time for brunch on a Sunday in January or September with someone who has been a positive, maturing influence on you?
Do you teach your children to express appreciation for what is done for them on a regular basis, not just when the “opportunity” of a holiday comes along?
When Mother’s Day marked 100 years as an official holiday in 2014, National Geographic published an article looking at its origins. The woman who campaigned for its recognition as an official holiday, Anna Jarvis, did so after the death of her mother, whose campaigns against war and disease inspired Mother’s Friendship Day gatherings after the Civil War. Herself childless, Anna wanted to encourage individuals to show appreciation for their own mother. She came to hate what Mother’s Day had become, with its commercialism, and ended up fighting to abolish the holiday. She lost money in legal battle, and even her freedom when she was arrested disturbing the peace at a convention. Odds are good she would agree with Anne Lamott.
Things to ponder: In general, what do you think of Mother’s Day? If you celebrate it, what would it be like if you decided to not celebrate it? Do you think society has a wrong view of the generic value of women who have or have not had children? Mother’s Day aside, have you or would you do something to show women who do not have children or who are not close to their mothers that they are valued?